Love, Growth and Autism

In my last post, I briefly breezed through the topic of the differences in support needs in autism. The thought was very new at that point. And something that I wanted to understand more deeply. But how do I do it?  Most of the easily available literature on autism is still from the medical perspective. And if there is one thing that I have learnt from binging all those medical dramas, it is that medicine is still evolving. Even doctors don’t know everything. Nobody does. Medicine is ever evolving, just like us. And no shade to the medical field, but all that literature is still very deficit based. In simpler words, it is from the neurotypical lens. It does not even try to explain things from the autistic lens. And if we keep sticking to just that lens, we will still see things as problems, instead of support needs, deficits, instead of accommodations. So, what do we do? And here is where my brilliant mind gave me the brilliant (and seemingly obvious) idea, to talk to autistic peop...

Disclaimer - This post is going to be haphazard, because I myself don’t have the clarity that I would like to offer to you.  I would be lying if I say this question has never haunted me. But over time, I had found my peace with it. Until a few days ago. Whatsapp groups were abuzz with the news of the death of an autistic teen/young adult due to negligence in an autistic living community. Though there is a lot to discuss on the topic of safety in such communities and at home, that is not what this post is about.  When I read that news, my heart went out for the person who lost his life, and also to the parents. A few people mentioned that the parents should have never sent their kid to the ashram. Yeah, maybe, in hindsight, definitely. But, being a parent myself, I started thinking, what if in future, because of whatever reason, I end up in a position where I am not able to give the best care possible to my child. Maybe I am not physically fit enough to keep up, maybe I don’t h...

My darling child, Lets slow down Let's take a breath Let's play around What is the rush Where are we going Let's take our time Let's do some toying Fast fast fast Hurry up they say Grow grow grow Any cost you pay If we get there now Does it really matter If we are the first Or we get there later My darling child The journey is the fun We will finally get there Crawl, walk or run What is the point Of life being a race Let's take things slow At our own pace Let me catch my breath From all the scurry Let me hold you more What is the hurry Already a boy You are no more a baby Pretty soon you will be a man And I, an old lady Days turned to months Months turned to years Years will become decades If I don’t shift my gears Time slows done for no one Yes I already know But for my mama heart It's bittersweet to see you grow So my darling child, Lets slow down Let's take a breath Let's play around - Love, Mum

My darling child, Here are my hopes Hopes and dreams for you When you grow up  Things I wish you do. I hope that you learn To read and write There is such a beautiful Whimsical, magical world Of books, that I would love To share with you. I hope one day You write to me Like I am now Writing to you. I hope that you make One good friend A friend who is kind Funny and honest A friend you can be Truly yourself with A friend who brings out The best in you But also embraces The worst. I hope that you see This beautiful world I hope that you travel Even though its tough I hope you see mountains And beaches Elephants playing with water Lions napping The wonders of the world The chaos and its beauty. I dream that you fall In love, and be loved back Experience the tingle The excitement To be with someone To think of them When you wake up To wish time would slow down When you are with them To grow old with someone A partner in life. I hope that you find Something that you enjoy A passion, a h...

  Why does everyone, especially neurodivergent people, need a unique personalized value system? So imagine this. I ask you to tell me the weight of an apple in meters. No matter what sorcery you do, you will not be able to answer. But if I ask you to explain the weight of the apple in your own way, you might say this apple weighs the same as this tennis ball, or you may say this apple weighs more than this grape, but less than this mango. You will explain it in your own unique way. And I may or may not understand completely, but you will. You will not be breaking your head trying to align your understanding to my value system. Life is similar to this, in some sense. Because we live in a social structure, we often find ourselves unintentionally comparing ourselves to others. In some sense, we are trained from birth to do that. At every step, every breath, we are compared to others. And at some point, we internalize it too. We start doing it, even when no one asks us to. The flaw wit...

My darling child, If I could, I definitely would Have saved you  From ever getting hurt From ever feeling pain From ever feeling helpless From existential bane. If I could, I definitely would Have saved you From struggles, From heartaches, From sickness, From mistakes. But I can’t, Can I now? Maybe I can Protect you for a while But soon enough  You will grow Be out in the wild. I can’t save you I can’t shelter I can’t protect You forever. But what I can do Is teach you Help you  Show you To get up After every fall To try again After every stall To love again After your heart broke To breath again After the choke What I can do Is teach you Help you  Show you To brush off The dust after you fell To wipe off The tears that just welled  To have faith When everything seems wrong To persist When you can’t be strong. My darling child, The world can be brutal, Full of hurt, totally blind, The world can be painful Insensitive and unkind And if I could I definitely would...