Hurt and Pain, Growth and Gain

My darling child,

If I could,

I definitely would

Have saved you

From ever getting hurt

From ever feeling pain

From ever feeling helpless

From existential bane.

If I could,

I definitely would

Have saved you

From struggles,

From heartaches,

From sickness,

From mistakes.

But I can’t,

Can I now?

Maybe I can

Protect you for a while

But soon enough

You will grow

Be out in the wild.

I can’t save you

I can’t shelter

I can’t protect

You forever.

But what I can do

Is teach you

Help you

Show you

To get up

After every fall

To try again

After every stall

To love again

After your heart broke

To breath again

After the choke

What I can do

Is teach you

Help you

Show you

To brush off

The dust after you fell

To wipe off

The tears that just welled

To have faith

When everything seems wrong

To persist

When you can’t be strong.

My darling child,

The world can be brutal,

Full of hurt, totally blind,

The world can be painful

Insensitive and unkind

And if I could

I definitely would

In a heartbeat

Take all your pain

Your suffering

Your struggles

Your hustling

Up on me.

But I can’t,

Can I now?

So I will stick

To what I can do.

To guide you,

To teach you,

To learn from you,

To be there for you,

To let you

Go through your own journey

Experience your own pain

Get your heart broken

Feel the strain.

My darling child,

I can’t say

What you will turn out to be

But I can say

You will figure it out, just like me!

- With love,

Mum

(This post is a poem I have written to my kids, which I will share with them, along with other letters that I have been writing to them over the years (a practice I highly recommend to all parents) when they are adults)

Comments

50 Shades of Autism - Sudhanshu

Hello there!! It has been a while. Well, a lot of things were going on on the personal front, and this blog and series being just hobbies had to pay the price and take the back seat. And that's what hobbies are for, right? That's the whole fun. You can put them on the back burner, or totally take them off the stove, even out of the kitchen if you need to. But then when there's space again, you can just bring it back on. And so, here I am. Today's interview is very special. They all are, but this one is just an extra bit special, the reason being, Sudhanshu is the first autistic mom with twin autistic sons that I have had the pleasure to speak to. And because she is a seasoned parent, there was a lot I could learn from her. I cannot put it in words how incredibly fortunate I feel I have been to find this community, and to find people who have "been there, done that" and find reassurance in their life experiences. Sudhanshu's story is a true testament of a...

50 Shades of Autism - Aniket

Another week, another super interesting interview. When I had started this series, there was a huge part of me that felt I will not be able to continue it beyond 5 interviews. I would either get bored, or wouldn't get anyone to speak to, or both, or something else. Well, this is the 5th interview, so wish me luck :p Aniket was the first adult autistic person that I spoke to, more than a year ago, in one of the whatsapp groups. Back then, I was really struggling with one of the kids scratching me. They would scratch for anything and everything. Feeling happy, scratch mumma, feeling upset scratch mumma, thirsty, hungry, sleepy, you guessed it, scratch mumma. I used to joke that I am a victim of child abuse, as in my child is abusing me! But underneath the humor, I was losing my shit, little by little, with every single scratch. I started dreading physical contact with my child, and the only time I would feel comfortable going near him was when he was asleep. I would often get so irr...

50 Shades of Autism - Gauri

Have you ever felt this strange affinity to another human being without ever meeting them and barely even knowing them, but just by reading their words? I have. Many times. And this next interview is with one of those people. I first found Gauri in an autism support group. She would answer parent queries. I didn't know her face, I have never heard her voice, but somehow, I really started liking her. Gauri is like a big puzzle, and in each interaction, I would get one more piece of her. And the more pieces I could put together, the more I started liking her. And what was not to like? She is the perfect combination of strength and softness. She is confident and gentle, resilient and kind. She will give you space to be, but also won't take any shit. She wouldn't hesitate to disagree with you, but wouldn't force her opinions on you either. If I go on and on about all the qualities I truly admire in her, I think I will need a whole other post. But it is quite rare that you ...

Love, Growth and Autism

Search This Blog