Love, Growth and Autism

It is striking me now that we are on the third interview, and so far I have only interviewed autistic women. Well, I wish I could say it was by design. But, I am glad that I am getting to talk to these very interesting women. I realized it only very recently that the reason why I never asked myself if I could be autistic till about 29 years is because I had only seen autism through the male lens. Autisic boys and autistic adult men (mostly in movies and TV shows). When it came to women, the only thing that even seemed slightly relatable was bipolar. But trying to make sense of my "quirks" from the bipolar lens is sort of like trying to explain the colour orange, but the only other colour you know is red. So you say, its bright like red, but maybe not as bright. It has a bit more of something else, but what I can't put my finger on.  But now that I finally have access to adult autistic women, I don't need to explain orange. They just get it. And I too, finally, get it....

I feel like I almost don't want to introduce Rebecca, because that will take away the mystery. So, I won't. I will instead talk about how I know her. In short, I don't, really. But, as the virtual world works, I connected with someone, lets call her N, who knows Rebecca and shared her blog with me. Rebecca is a magician with words. Her poems spark something in you. They are simple and elegant. I was hooked. And it brought out the poet in me. I don't write a lot of poems, because I feel it doesn't come as naturally to me as prose, but every once in a while, a poet in me wakes up, churns out a few poems, and goes back to sleep for another half a decade. This time, Rebecca's blog was the alarm clock. And so I seized the opportunity and wrote a few myself which then found its way to Rebecca. And she really liked them. So when I connected with N to interview her for 50 Shades of Autism, she asked me if I would like to connect with Rebecca too. And, here we are. I off...

It is such a massive honour to start this series with Aditi Sowmyanarayan. Aditi is a blogger, an award winning published author and an amazing autistic voice that more people need to listen to. And all this before she even turned 18. But don't let her young age fool you. She is wiser and more eloquent than most of the adults I have known.  So, without further ado, here we go!

In my last post, I briefly breezed through the topic of the differences in support needs in autism. The thought was very new at that point. And something that I wanted to understand more deeply. But how do I do it?  Most of the easily available literature on autism is still from the medical perspective. And if there is one thing that I have learnt from binging all those medical dramas, it is that medicine is still evolving. Even doctors don’t know everything. Nobody does. Medicine is ever evolving, just like us. And no shade to the medical field, but all that literature is still very deficit based. In simpler words, it is from the neurotypical lens. It does not even try to explain things from the autistic lens. And if we keep sticking to just that lens, we will still see things as problems, instead of support needs, deficits, instead of accommodations. So, what do we do? And here is where my brilliant mind gave me the brilliant (and seemingly obvious) idea, to talk to autistic peop...

Disclaimer - This post is going to be haphazard, because I myself don’t have the clarity that I would like to offer to you.  I would be lying if I say this question has never haunted me. But over time, I had found my peace with it. Until a few days ago. Whatsapp groups were abuzz with the news of the death of an autistic teen/young adult due to negligence in an autistic living community. Though there is a lot to discuss on the topic of safety in such communities and at home, that is not what this post is about.  When I read that news, my heart went out for the person who lost his life, and also to the parents. A few people mentioned that the parents should have never sent their kid to the ashram. Yeah, maybe, in hindsight, definitely. But, being a parent myself, I started thinking, what if in future, because of whatever reason, I end up in a position where I am not able to give the best care possible to my child. Maybe I am not physically fit enough to keep up, maybe I don’t h...

My darling child, Lets slow down Let's take a breath Let's play around What is the rush Where are we going Let's take our time Let's do some toying Fast fast fast Hurry up they say Grow grow grow Any cost you pay If we get there now Does it really matter If we are the first Or we get there later My darling child The journey is the fun We will finally get there Crawl, walk or run What is the point Of life being a race Let's take things slow At our own pace Let me catch my breath From all the scurry Let me hold you more What is the hurry Already a boy You are no more a baby Pretty soon you will be a man And I, an old lady Days turned to months Months turned to years Years will become decades If I don’t shift my gears Time slows done for no one Yes I already know But for my mama heart It's bittersweet to see you grow So my darling child, Lets slow down Let's take a breath Let's play around - Love, Mum

My darling child, Here are my hopes Hopes and dreams for you When you grow up  Things I wish you do. I hope that you learn To read and write There is such a beautiful Whimsical, magical world Of books, that I would love To share with you. I hope one day You write to me Like I am now Writing to you. I hope that you make One good friend A friend who is kind Funny and honest A friend you can be Truly yourself with A friend who brings out The best in you But also embraces The worst. I hope that you see This beautiful world I hope that you travel Even though its tough I hope you see mountains And beaches Elephants playing with water Lions napping The wonders of the world The chaos and its beauty. I dream that you fall In love, and be loved back Experience the tingle The excitement To be with someone To think of them When you wake up To wish time would slow down When you are with them To grow old with someone A partner in life. I hope that you find Something that you enjoy A passion, a h...